Surviving the Holiday Comparison Trap
For many people, the New Year represents a "fresh start".
It’s the time when we revisit our New Year's resolutions lists, often filled with personal goals like "exercise more", "learn a new language", "quit unhealthy habits" or "stop smoking". For many, the holiday season comes with high expectations—expectations we place on ourselves to create perfect celebrations, achieve milestones, and end the year on a triumphant note. But more often than not, these expectations can leave us feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, and questioning our worth.
We all see those picture-perfect holiday moments on social media—the sparkling lights, the perfect meals, the beaming families. It’s easy to feel like you should be doing more, that your holiday should look like that too.
But here’s the truth: chasing perfection is exhausting and—to be honest—unnecessary. When I think about it, does anyone actually remember the teeny tiny details of a perfectly set table, or do they remember the laughter and connection? Imperfection is part of what makes the moments we have memorable. Sometimes, the burnt cookies or the slightly crooked tree end up being the most cherished stories. And of course, as the year comes to an end, it’s only natural to reflect on what we’ve accomplished.
But this can lead to spiraling into harsh self-judgment, especially when we measure ourselves against unrealistic standards or compare ourselves to others. Thoughts like "I should have done more." or "Why am I not where I thought I’d be by now?" start popping up. I see my peers taking family photos with their children, brand new cars, and new jobs and suddenly it’s so much harder to stay in the present and focus on my life. Nonetheless, some parts of my brain stay reasonable. It tells me that what we see is only half of the story and maybe what may seem small to me seem like big accomplishments to others.
However, the voice of that part of my brain is really faint. Sometimes it feels impossible not to compare myself to others when I already feel like I’ve been making no progress. I know we often forget that the grass is always greener on the other side and by now, we all know how social media works: nobody likes to announce their mistakes or struggles. It’s okay to feel this way, but it’s also important to remind ourselves of the small victories—the times you showed resilience, kindness, or simply got through a tough day. Growth isn’t always flashy or visible. Sometimes, just surviving is an achievement worth celebrating but we often forget.
That’s why, when I was 21—around 5 years ago— I started making a list. Up until that point, I’ve always had ups and downs with my mental health. I would be doing fine and then, in the blink of an eye, everything would come crashing down. Things were especially hard around the winter season. In the winter of 2019, it seemed harder and harder for me to find things that made me happy. Things that made me appreciate the life I was living.
I remember asking myself “Do I even get truly happy anymore?”
And the answer was the list: “Things that made me happy in 2019”. As you can tell from the title, it is a very simple idea. But what’s important about this list isn’t writing down BIG moments. It’s about the small ones. It was about writing things like “seeing a cat on the street”, “eating a very delicious pastry”, “having a laugh with my friends after class”, “seeing a small bird land near me”, “sitting on the balcony with my mother”, “having a new shower routine”, “painting my nails red”, “the smell of my sheets after I’ve just washed them”...
Yes, they do seem like very small, trivial things and it’s because they are. And still, they gave me joy. They made me stay here for a little bit longer and a bit longer and a bit longer... Here, I am at the end of 2024, after the hardest year of my life so far, I’m depending on that list to help me once again. To remind me that even though some days feel impossible to push through, lighter days will always follow. The saying “life is about the small moments” is right.
There’s always a lot of pressure to grow up, to build a good life, to be confident and successful... The road is painted linear when it never is. There is always a ladder to climb. Everyone always expects big steps and it’s not just about other’s expectations, it’s ours too. We always set high standards for ourselves. It doesn’t seem like a bad thing until we eventually fail at some point. We question our abilities and struggle to get back up. We lose the kindness and affection we show ourselves during times of success when it comes to times of failure. We think a moment of fun or rest is not something we deserve, in fact, it is something to be earned. Our inner critic, tells us we’re not doing enough but everyone else is doing more. They all have it more together than us. It’s such an easy trap to get caught in, especially during a time when comparison feels unavoidable.
But imagine if a dear friend came to you with those same worries—what would you say to them?
You’d probably offer words of kindness and reassurance, right? You’d remind them that everyone’s journey is different, and their worth isn’t defined by how many boxes they’ve checked off a societal to-do list. You might gently tell them that it’s okay to rest, that taking care of themselves isn’t laziness but a fundamental need. Rest is not a reward; it’s a necessity. It’s the foundation that allows us to function, grow, and thrive.
You’d likely encourage them to let go of the idea that January 1st has to mark a complete transformation. Life doesn’t come with deadlines for happiness or success. Instead of pressuring themselves with rigid, overwhelming goals, you’d suggest setting gentle, intentional steps forward—focusing on what feels genuinely meaningful and manageable. You might even share how the little, seemingly insignificant progress we make—choosing to take a deep breath instead of panicking, finding a moment of joy in an otherwise hard day—often carries the most profound impact.
And you’d probably remind them to celebrate their wins, no matter how small. Because sometimes, progress isn’t about huge leaps but steady, quiet steps. It’s about showing up, even when it’s hard. After all, growth is a journey, not a race, and every step forward matters.
So, why not offer that same understanding to yourself?
This holiday season, let this be our reminder to you. Start the new year by treating yourself with the same compassion and patience. The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. And just like that, our path, no matter how many wrong turns we make, will always be meaningful.