The Paradox of FoMO
What is fear of missing out?
I always associated that term with the bubbling feeling inside my chest when I started feeling that everyone BUT me was out there having the time of their lives. In the middle of the night, scrolling through Instagram, the feelings of being “the only one left out” creeps in my mind and my body. Somehow, I see others sharing the best parts of their day and that clouds my judgement for myself. What did I even do today? I keep scrolling and try to find a way to feel satisfied with my participation in life. That only leads to unending spiral and, what some call it, I end up “doom scrolling”. The more I fear that I’m left out the more I’m pulled in to seeing more. But why is that?
“Fear of missing out” or in other terms “FoMO” is a relatively new term that was first introduced in 2004. It is used to describe a phenomenon related to social networking sites usage. According to National Library of Medicine “British psychologists elaborated and defined it as “pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”, FoMO is characterized by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing.” It’s the pressure to be everywhere, do everything, and never miss out on an opportunity.
NLM explains that FoMO has two key factors.
One is the perception of missing out and the second is compulsive behavior. A feeling that others are having rewarding experiences that you're not part of followed by a strong urge to stay connected to social media to avoid missing out and maintain social connections.
FoMO is linked to a deep psychological need for relatedness—the human desire to belong and build meaningful relationships. However, it is described as a problematic attachment to social media that leads to various negative outcomes, such as: poor sleep quality, reduced sense of competence in daily life, emotional tension and anxiety, physical health impacts, lack of emotional control. And for some, maintaining intimate social connections via social media may be a way to cope with or avoid feelings of social rejection. However, these behaviors often worsen the emotional challenges associated with FoMO.
I guess it’s not unusual to keep using social media even when it messes with our self-esteem and mental health. It is true that social networking sites (SNS) can feel like a safe haven for some dealing with social anxiety. Especially adolescents. These sites offer a way to meet social needs without the pressure of face-to-face interactions, making communication feel easier and more instant. But here’s the catch: this “social compensation” often leads to avoiding in-person connections altogether. Over time, this avoidance can deepen social anxiety and increase the risk of developing anxiety disorders.
Fear of Missing Out (FoMO) plays a huge role in problematic SNS use. It drives behaviors like constantly checking your phone, comparing your life to others, and feeling like you’re always falling short. This cycle not only worsens anxiety but can also damage self-esteem and lead to emotional burnout. Overusing SNS has been linked to depressive symptoms, emotional instability, and even risky behaviors like alcohol or drug use. For some adolescents, the pressure to keep up and stay connected can push them into situations that harm their emotional and mental health.
“...the longer time spent using SNS (spending more than 2h per day) demonstrated a significantly higher risk of having suicidality.” -NLM
The article also touches on the fact that on a deeper level, spending so much time on social media triggers the fear centers in the brain, like the amygdala. Instead of feeling more connected, it can make you feel lonelier and emotionally on edge, creating this endless cycle: you feel lonely, so you check your phone to feel better, but it only makes the loneliness worse, so you go back to scrolling. And round and round it goes. Hours spent scrolling leave you feeling like everyone else is living a fuller, more exciting life. Social media is tricky that way. Even with all the instant connections it offers, things get lonelier and more disconnected than ever. Without nonverbal cues like tone or body language, even friendly conversations can feel distant.
People who don’t feel fully competent, independent, or connected often report the worst levels of FoMO. It’s overwhelming to see all these options that social media puts in front of you. It can leave you feeling stuck, afraid to make commitments or decisions because what if something better comes along? But in trying to keep every door open, you end up missing out on meaningful, grounded experiences in the moment.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has become one of the most effective ways to tackle FoMO. It’s all about breaking down the distorted thoughts that fuel it and figuring out what’s driving the anxiety underneath. The goal isn’t to quit social media altogether but to learn how to manage its impact on your life.
There’s also this newer approach called FoMO Reduction (FoMO-R), which focuses on building resilience through a mix of self-help and smarter social media use. It’s a practical and approachable method that helps break the cycle of anxiety by addressing when, why, and how we use SNS. Techniques like cognitive reappraisal (basically, reframing your thoughts) and distraction strategies help you step back from compulsive behaviors. And instead of constantly feeling like you’re missing out, it offers other ways to connect with people in a more meaningful way.
The good news? For most people, excessive SNS use and FoMO are temporary.
These behaviors tend to fade when the context changes, and many recover naturally. That said, for those who need an extra push, things like anxiolytics (a drug used to relieve anxiety) have also shown to be helpful in some cases.
Ultimately, understanding and addressing FoMO is about reclaiming control over your time, emotions, and connections. It’s recognizing that life isn’t a highlight reel and that meaningful experiences can’t be measured by likes or shares. While social media can be a tool for connection, it doesn’t define your worth or your life’s richness. By setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on what truly matters to you, it’s possible to break free from the endless scroll and rediscover the joy of living in the present moment.
ReferencesGupta, Mayank, and Aditya Sharma. “Fear of Missing Out: A Brief Overview of Origin, Theoretical Underpinnings and Relationship with Mental Health.” World Journal of Clinical Cases, vol. 9, no. 19, July 2021, pp. 4881–89, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8283615/. Accessed 24 Jan. 2025.